If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
