Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
