There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
