normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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