I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You did what with his pubic hair?
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