ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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