Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I want is dick and wine.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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