nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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