We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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