Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
