I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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