he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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