Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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