Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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