good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
