Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
