It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
