Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
