I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
