It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
