Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
found the other keg... it's in the tree
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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