There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
