Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
