Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
