We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
