What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My vagina is very pro this idea
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