you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Quick, to the slutcave!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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