i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
