this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
