How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
