guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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