I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
