I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize