yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
