It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am naked and annoyed.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
