Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
