wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
