I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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