I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
