Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize