Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
