theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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