Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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