Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
