Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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