I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
