people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
