This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
no, he came in my armpit
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
