i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
