I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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