He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize