What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
