from now on my penis is your penis
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
