i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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