Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize