Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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