Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
