PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
