Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
