weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
