You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
