That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
