I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
