Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
babies were throwing up all over the place
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
