Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
