No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
