I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
