I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
