Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
