i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize