he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
