I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
