I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
