I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
