Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
