Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
