I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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