i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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