My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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