Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
