I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
