Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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