i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize