I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
