Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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