you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
