she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize