Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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