He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
