The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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