Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
