): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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