I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
