i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize