Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
