Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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