Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Damn victory sex feels great
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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