Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
