This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
