all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
