I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
